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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?